Monday, October 22, 2007

About a mother... not a fairy tale story

Welcome to a dear friend who started her blog "Laurits". Amongst all the many facets of her life and personality, her life includes the story of her child, Laurits and a 'motherhood' of a difficult kind.

In her own words,

"Part of my blogging profile is being Laurits' mother, which is quite a large part of my profile! Unfortunately, part of Laurits' profile is that he is dead. But he is also much more than that and this is what I need to show the world - with this blog about Laurits".

Since university I have followed my friend and her wonderful husband, how they create such a good atmosphere around them, how they seem to have the perfect relationship and how they make it - the perfect relationship. I've seen them marry and move to Japan for one year abroad and so wishing them blessings and happiness. I was among some of the first to know about and congratulate her on her pregnancy!

And then ...suddenly she was no longer pregnant and ... no longer a mother. At least not in the sense that most of us use the term, mother.

They got to keep their son only in what counts in hours - precious time and I've seen pictures of him, seen the love shine painfully strong in the eyes of my friend as she speaks of him, Laurtussen as they fondly nick-named him.

And it's not to understand how painful it was and is for a mother and a father to let go of their newly born child.

But they continue to talk about him, they have and continue to create a space in their lives for him and he has to be there - with them not physically but in their minds and memories and actively taking part of life with his parents.

And - it's heartbreaking to know - that out there are many mothers and fathers, not only those of adoptees - who go through one of the biggest loves of all - parent to child - only to loose it too soon by the stroke of some forced upon circumstance..

My friend is courageously finding ways of living life with her son - not erasing him from their hearts - he was there in her arms. Any mother is probably without a choice whether or not to allow her love for her child to burn freely.

How fragile, yet wonderous love is, like a flower growing in the midst of our basic human need to make some sense out of chaos without judging one self or falling under the judgement of others. And I am reminded that something more can unfold in one's life - and I am reminded that no one .. no one walks alone


Blogger Frandsen said...

Dear Brit,
For a long time I've had the feeling "it's the same" about you being an adoptee and me loosing Laurits. I am so happy you have put some of my thoughts it into words in this not-fairy-tale-story. And of course it is not the same-same, but maybe part of it is? Because both of our lifestories has parents who loves and live with pain. I don't know anything about your Korean parents, but I know that giving birth to a child creates "something" wich lasts for a lifetime inside... Call that "something" God-given or sheer instinct, but love it is. Love to a specific, individual child.
Just my thoughts...

12:56 AM  

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