Monday, July 28, 2008

Questions unanswered 'n stories untold..

A part of my personal history as adoptee is to live with and accept that many questions propably will go unanswered.. -

e.g. who's that woman, holding the baby (me) and who's taking the picture...

and why didn't I see those pictures, when I was a child and why didn't my mother in Denmark tell me that she had sent a lot of pictures to the orphanage of our home in Skodsborg, of my brother and herself, of me as I grew up.. -

Today, upon visiting the orphanage, I've seen the pictures and letters, she sent to the director Fay Welter, until around 3-5 years after my adoption became final (those days the adoption parents could do the 'Jade-trick' and actually didn't legally adopt me until after approx. 1½ years after taking home to live with them).

And do my Korean parents even know that I'm alive and that I left my contact info in my file this time at the Seoul Adventist Hospital in case..

and.. does it matter, would it change a lot if I did get some answers? :) would it change a lot for me today, if I did get to hear the story behind my adoption case from the Korean side...?

Yes - it would matter. Yes, it would change a lot. I don't know why it matters, I'm content and all... I don't know exactly what would change if I got to know the answers and hear the stories.. - but I know it would change or rather put into place those thoughts and feelings which have been "paused"

but pictures.. ah, the power of pictures in this case, of my self as a baby in the time before I became "the adopted baby" - when I was a tiny Korean citizen, cared for and held by Korean hands and hearts...actually matters, matters a lot.

also, it matters a lot to know that my Danish mother did send those pictures and letters and that she looked so happy then. These small things matter - even more - with all the questions unanswered and so many stories thank you to whoever took these pictures and whoever kept them.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

This sound moves my 'Seoul'

Was lucky to be at a concert this Tuesday in Copenhagen with Deva Premal, Miten and Manose. 2 years ago I heard them play together for the first time, so, when they came again I had had to go ;) mainly to experience if the flute would be as beautiful as I remembered it.. how it melted all tensions away. Now a couple of days later, that feeling of that sound is continuing inside of me, like the beginning of a beautiful journey.

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And if you'd like to know more there is a website